Coviday Whatever2

Tom and Mo’s Excellent Adventure- Coviday Whatever2 Still no murders but read on. Out of sequence but that’s how my brain works. It’s like making a margarita with no specific recipe or what it will taste like. Ya know it’s gonna do the job so, pour on! I had this childhood dream last year of traveling across the country in an RV. Well now further into my childhood and winner of the 40 year 80 hour work week lottery, I’m finally able to embark on my journey. (Pray for me. Even if you’re a born again atheist, say some good shit to guarantee my full return! Santeria need not apply) Should the romantic idea of shuffling across the US of A enter your irrational brain, have another drink instead and pretend you went. (I’ll send picture proof so you can still share the story) There’s a few things no one tells you about but you know I sure as f will. So I noted at the start, no murders but the I40 did nearly kill us. Notes from the road- There’s a lot of people that don’t seem to mind living right next to the freeway. Maybe they’re all related or a cult I can’t say for sure but I do know they like to collect rusty artifacts. Lots of em. They also like sheds. Probably to store more rusty artifacts. I’m guessing the the entire value of all the roadside “treasures” is probably around $12.50. I’ve coined a new phrase for our roadside iron oxide collectors:“Debris farmers” copyright-Phraselicious (Feel free to use it at your next bridge party)Next- This part of the I40 is not paved with anything resembling smooth anything. Bad intentions at best. You have not experienced anxiety, stress or loose teeth and soiled undergarments until you’ve driven from Havasu to Grand Canyon on a windy day in a garage sized vehicle. I’m convinced the government paid top dollar for the crappiest, most unstable road building products possible. I’m imagining some Federal Highway official looking at a list of the materials used. Used potholes, check. Unclaimed speed bumps, check. Various un- sorted rubble, check. Is that the kind that deteriorates quickly? Oooh give us more. Miscellaneous geologic remnants and anomalies, ooh! Double check. To really grasp the experience in full pants soiling splendor, follow these simple guidelines. Find an underpowered 35,000 lb drivable garage with bad visibility. Make sure the drivers side rear view mirror is doing a Linda Blair impersonation. Also make sure the steering wheel is connected to the front tires through a bowl of pudding. If you’re mechanical, an idler arm made of rubber tie downs will have the same effect. Holding a driving line is for pussys. Hang on whiney bitch. When you steer nothing should happen for a few seconds. Next, loosen everything attached to the garagecar so it rattles and vibrates like an unbalanced load of tennis shoes in a dryer. There’s more. For now- Everything is bigger in Texas. Including I.C. Tidty Peak. Like a cheap ass, I bought a cheap word plan and I’ll….